miss right

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

wife

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

eating

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

photo

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

password

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

husband

I have received hundreds of replies to my ad for a husband. They all say the same thing - "Take mine."

feet

Q: Why are women's feet so small? 
A: So they can stand closer to the sink while washing dishes.

IQ

Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? 
A: Four men drinking Beer and watching a football game!

beer

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

dead wife

A man calls 999 and says, "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

sex drive

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a wedding cake.

smart woman

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."

kitchen

For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.